Eternal Thoughts by John Zakour
This story originally appeared in Alien Dimensions Issue #5
“What should we do after this star explodes? Maybe jump into a parallel universe and do a molecule by molecule comparison of what the two universes have in common and what separates them? Like does this star still exist in other universes? Maybe look for what other differences we could find? We could make it more interesting by bringing in three or four other universes. The cross referencing would be so uplifting….”
“Now do we count our presence in whatever universe we are in as a difference…”
“No, we are above that…”
“How can we be above something we are a part of?”
“I don’t mean we’re above, above it, obviously we are but we aren’t at the same time. We can easily separate ourselves from any universe we are in. We just won’t track ourselves… Although I suppose we could. If that’s what you want…. It could add to the challenge…”
“I don’t want anything….”
“We could check out an infinite number of universes at once and see how our presence affects them? It could be a fantastic cascading affect. Maybe it could even cause the destruction of a universe or two? That would be a different spin…. In an infinite number of infinite universes I don’t think that would make much difference….”
“I guess not. Do whatever increases your pleasure….”
“It’s not about pleasure it’s about learning….”
“Don’t you derive pleasure from learning….”
“I’ll give you that. It’s about the pleasure of learning. When you have been around as long as we have been learning is all we have. We exist to learn. Don’t we?”
“I don’t know… Does it really matter?”
“Of course it matters. We owe it to ourselves to see all we can see and learn all we can learn. After all that’s what separates us from the objects in the universe. We are all about knowledge and observing it’s what we do… Maybe in some universe we might find other versions of ourselves. Now that might be enjoyable to meet other us. Then we can track how we are different from each other. So deep. I’m almost in awe. Now wouldn’t that be enjoyable?”
“If you say so…. “
“What’s wrong?”
“Why do you ask?”
“You’re not pulsating like normal. Usually when you watch a star explode upon itself you pulsate more…. Plus, you don’t seem interested in doing anything.”
“How many times have we observed these events?”
“Actually, I stopped counting at One billion three hundred million and one… Not sure why I stopped….”
“Maybe ‘cause they are all alike….”
“They are not all alike. The last one we watched was in a dual system. It generated far more energy and the colors were different. More violet molecules I believe…. Hold on…replaying the time now…. Yes, definitely different. In fact, reviewing all incidents of stars exploding, they all are unique and special.”
“Are we having an argument?”
“We are having a difference of opinion…”
“Is this really a different of opinion? How can the consistency of a star exploding be anything but fact. It is what is it…”
“True, but how we appreciate, what it is, is subject to opinion….”
“Are we now arguing over what an argument is?”
“No of course not. We are having a difference of opinion over what an argument is. And argument is not composed of molecules, therefore it is open to interpretation. Therefore, it is very possible to have a difference of opinion over what an argument is and also what a difference of opinion is….”
“Let’s just agree to disagree on that….”
“I believe that’s what I have been trying to say. The universes are vast. Yet our thoughts are vaster!”
“Aren’t they both infinite and therefore the same….”
“I was being poetic. When you’ve existed forever you are allowed to be poetic!”
“How do you know we’ve existed forever? How do we know there wasn’t something before us? “
“Your point is valid but moot. Doesn’t matter if something did exist before us because nothing counted before we were around to observe it. To interact with it. Let’s go absorb some energy from that star that just exploded. Maybe toss around the white dwarf a bit? You always enjoy a tossing a white dwarf… I’m heading in closer now. Or should I just expand myself? You choose!”
“First, just because we didn’t exist at one point doesn’t mean there wasn’t matter and thoughts before us… Second, I’m not in the mood to toss around a white dwarf….”
“It seems that you are arguing for the sake of arguing….”
“I will agree with that….”
“See now we are making progress! I can feel myself pulsating. I love pulsating. It is simple yet elegant. So come on! Choose how we should absorb the energy burst. I’m nothing if not flexible….”
“We’re pure energy not sure we can technically be flexible…”
“Now you are back to the arguments.”
“Not an argument. Just once again stating a fact. We gain nothing from arguing. … … Actually, maybe we do….”
“We gain from fighting? What can we possibly gain from fighting?”
“Fighting and arguing are not the same…”
“I don’t believe I’m going to say this… but they are just different levels of intensity of the same thing. But see you are fighting well arguing about arguing….”
“Agreed….”
“See we can agree!”
“You’re pulsating quickly.”
“I’m pleased we are agreeing…. Now come on let us absorb some energy! I’ll lead…. ….. You are not following….”
“Perhaps I am following you but in an alternative reality. Maybe I am following in you every reality except this one?”
“I am pleased to see you still have your sense of humor even when you aren’t at your best…”
“Who says this isn’t my best? What’s to say what best is? Isn’t it all relative?”
“Look, I know you are going through a difficult moment. We’ve been around forever you were bound to have an off moment or two.”
“This is not about a bad moment. It’s about reflection. I’m reflecting on my life. My long and endless life. A life where I have seen everything and reflected on everything…”
“A good life.”
“Yes, it has been. Perhaps it’s time to end…”
“End what?”
“End me. Whatever I am…”
“No, you can’t… We always have been…. And we always will be….”
“Will we? Who says? The Universes have few constants. We are not part of them…”
“You can’t be sure of that….”
“We are not constant so yes I am sure. In fact, we’re not even close to constant. We are always changing…”
“But we have ALWAYS been here so we are constant. The Universe is us and we are the Universe: all the Universes. And we have always been and always will be….”
“I repeat, who says?”
“I say I just said, well thought it. I have not actually said anything in the lifetime of many stars…. Maybe longer, after all, time doesn’t really exist. I just know we have been like this since we evolved so many stars’ lives ago… I can’t believe you are thinking about not existing.”
“It would be a new experience….”
“It would be nothing. You would be nothing….”
“I feel nothing now. Therefore, I propose that my being should match my feelings. It’s only logical.”
“Just because we’re beings of pure energy doesn’t mean we have to be logical. After all, doesn’t our very existence defy logic and reason?”
“You made my point…. We aren’t all logic. We are driven by what we feel and I feel it’s time to move on. I’ve done it all. Seen it all. Time to move on…. or go away. Whatever I’m ready….”
“… …. ….”
“I take it by your silence you are in agreement with me…”
“No, I am not in agreement with you ending yourself….”
“Why do you care? It’s my existence. It’s my choice. I want to end. I desire something final.”
“…”
“You are silent again.”
“My silence still isn’t agreement. I do not want you to end you….”
“I repeat why? I am me you are you….”
“How would you feel if I told you I wanted to end myself? Leaving you alone in an infinite universe….”
“So, you would miss me?”
“Yes, I know it’s not evolved or pure. But I enjoy interacting with you. I feel we make each other better…”
“We’re infinite beings? How can we better?”
“I just know I would not feel the same without you….”
“Fine…”
“Fine? You won’t end??”
“No, I will give you a chance to show me why I shouldn’t end… You’re pulsating rapidly. That means you are happy.”
“I’m bringing us to a marvelous sight.”
“It’s a black hole. You know for advanced beings you think we’d come up with better names for these things… We’ve observed 1,000,124,654 of these….”
“Each of them different! Yet each of them no less amazing and marvelous!”
“If you think so… I kind of experience them and think, not this again… Sure, maybe the first million times they were appealing, but then really they are all pretty much the same thing. Just sucking everything in. It is all very straightforward and predictable.”
“But that’s the beauty of it. Everything makes sense. Everything gets pulled in. Even light. I love the beauty and predictability of it…. This one has the mass of hundreds of stars. Yet the singularity at it’s core is so infinitely small yet infinitely dense. It’s perfection. Others can have the mass of thousands of stars and still they all follow the same rules…”
“Exactly my point. It’s all mundane and predictable. It’s like math.”
“I have a thought!”
“Big deal, all we have is thoughts….”
“I mean I have an interesting thought…”
“I’ll be the judge of that…”
“Let’s nudge two black holes together and watch them merge into one!”
“Kind of been there done that…”
“Look isn’t it beautiful!!! The power!! The energy! Two massive forces combining into one. One where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts….”
“Is it really?”
“Of course, we’re creatures of pure energy therefore what we think is. Our reality is what we want it to be. What we think it to be.”
“Even if we were lower creatures wouldn’t our thoughts still be our reality?”
“Now that is a good question! I guess I can’t speak for lower creatures. I can’t ever remember being one if I ever was one. Sometimes I feel I once was a more physical creature with openings and limbs and such. But other times I think I just imagine that I was. Truthfully, it doesn’t matter as now I am what I am. Hey I know! Let’s go watch a couple of new planets being born! Surely that will inspire you….”
“I’ve seen billions upon billions of planets come into this universe….”
“Yes, and each of them different. Correct?”
“Sort of…yes… okay I guess no two of them are the same….”
“This is a nice little solar system here. One yellowish sun, nice size, not too big, not too small. I see there’s potential for eight planets here…”
“I count nine…”
“No, the outer one will be too small and within the orbit range of one of the other planets…”
“Wait so now you’re saying a mass in orbit around a sun has to be a certain size to be a planet. Who are you to say such a thing?”
“Let’s not fight over such a trivial silly thing. We’re higher beings. If a solar system has eight or nine planets really doesn’t matter….”
“I’m not sure anything matters…That’s why I don’t think it will make any difference if I end myself.”
“Wait! Let’s move to a different spot in time but same spot in space….”
“Sure whatever…”
“There look the third planet from the sun. The pretty blue one…. That has some interesting possibilities…”
“I’m open to hearing your thoughts….”
“That’s the first positive thing I have heard from you in a while. I’ll take that as a good sign.”
“I’m open to adding a bit more randomness to the universe… Something that doesn’t follow such strict rules…”
“Excellent! I’ve redirected a near by space rock. It will crash into to the liquid area of the planet….”
“Okay, not exactly what I was hoping for….”
“Silly you! This space rock has the molecules that could spark life. Actual physical life on that pretty blue planet… It’s going to start as simple as possible but let’s see what pops out. Now that will be different. Right? Right?”
“I’m intrigued enough to hang around and watch…. Stop pulsating so much you’re embarrassing yourself!”
“I’m just happy for both of us…. Ah the single celled creatures are so simple. Surely you appreciate their simplicity. So clean.”
“They’re okay…but a bit more action would be nice…”
“You got it. Now I’m going to move us forward a few billion of this planets trips around the sun. Wasn’t it cool when the planet froze like that?”
“I don’t believe you said that!”
“Ah, isn’t it neat how now how those cells have changed? They have a control center now. This is going to lead to some good stuff.”
“For a being of pure thought you really have simple tastes…”
“I’m just doing this for you, you know…”
“You’re doing this for both of us. Admit it.”
“Okay ya got me. But still you’re the one who’s down and thinking about ceasing…”
“That doesn’t mean I’m down. Just looking for something different….”
“And I gave you something different…”
“Just a lots of cells….”
“A lot of evolving cells! Cells now with traits they can pass to future cells. This is so exciting! I can’t wait to see what comes next. Course we’ll have to move forward about a half billion trips around the sun!”
“I’m shaking with anticipation….”
“You’re being cynical but I know you’re interested….”
“How so?”
“You’re still here…. Ah look carefully there are now three distinctly different kinds of cells! I like where this is heading….”
“Two of them don’t look that different to me…”
“Stop being so negative.”
“I’m melancholy there’s a difference…”
“If I could sigh I would… okay “mental sigh”… Now moving us forward another 500 million (give or take) times around the sun… Look there are multi-celled creatures now!!”
“You really do get excited awful easily!”
“I know isn’t it great that after forever I still like the little things in the Universe…”
“If I wasn’t so evolved I’d envy you. Let’s jump forward a bit…”
“Sure, just a 100 million trips around the sun and look what we have! These things are dividing and changing like crazy now! I really like the spongy ones…”
“You would. I prefer the non-spongy ones. More potential to do something interesting…”
“I can sense something fun is going to happen in around 20 million trips around this yellow star. Should we watch them all? It’s kind of nice and relaxing. Right?”
“I’m moving us to a different point….”
“See you are excited!”
“Don’t confuse impatience with excitement…”
“Look! Look! Now some of these creatures have THREE layers of cells!”
“This has potential….”
“Oh, look at all the ice it’s another freeze. Kind of pretty still. Plus, those that survive are going to be stronger! Things are happening so fast now. Aren’t you getting excited?”
“Stop entwining with me!”
“Look look! Look at them now! They are using molecules with one electron bonded with molecules with eight electrons two on one shell six on the other for energy!”
“Those are pretty common molecules in the Universe….”
“I know isn’t is amazing! I’m spinning us forward another 100 million trips around the sun…”
“Joy!”
“Now these simple creatures have tops and bottoms and fronts and backs. I may be jealous now….”
“I realize your trying to help and I truly appreciate it. But can we maybe move forward to something with a little more diversity?”
“Sure of course! Moving ahead just a little over a 100 million trips around the star… Nice! Some of these creatures are moving under their own power! They are no longer slaves to current…”
“You’re being overly dramatic….”
“Just spicing it up for you…”
“Let’s move forward…”
“Okay, slowly moving forward just 20 million trips! Look some of these creatures have harder structures forming in their backs… Now popping just 10 million trips forward. Oh my, look at how quickly these creatures are becoming diverse.”
“I will admit its fun seeing how these different creatures survive by changing generation to generation… But can we go to something with a greater intellect… I don’t need a count down of the trips around the star either.”
“Sure, moving forward slowly. Ah, nice look at the pretty green fauna covering the place. Oh wow, look some of them are flying now! Ouch didn’t see that coming. Most of the creatures have died…”
“Well the ones that survive will be stronger….”
“I’m not sure if that’s a positive or negative statement coming from you… But moving forward. You gotta admit these giant reptilian creatures are cool!”
“They are large but I find the smaller creatures that come out when it is dark have a potential to be something interesting…”
“Spinning forward… Oh I did not see that coming! Another big wipe out. Well it was a good 50 million trips around the star for those species…”
“And once again those that do survive will be stronger… Look some of them are able to maintain their own internal temperature now! That’s a good sign.”
“I still prefer the big green scaled creatures but that’s just me. I’m glad to see you are taking an interest. Popping forward some. Ah look at that flying creatures with feathers!”
“I’m actually anxious to see how this unfolds…”
“Ouch, not even 50 million trips this time and we have another mass extinction… Ah the planet was getting so nice and green…”
“Don’t worry I have a good feeling about what comes out…”
“It’s nice to see you being so positive… Moving forwards….”
“No need to count….”
“Right, right! Ah the little hairy creatures that walk on two limbs and use their other limbs to grabs things are cute. Love the tails!”
“Yes, these creatures have potential. Maybe not for greatness but should be entertaining for a while. I can’t wait to see them ponder their own being. I’m sure eventually some of them will even deny the process that brought them into existence…”
“That’s means you’re going to keep existing?”
“For now. Yes… Stop pulsating like that this is no big thing!”
“Well at least these creatures are proving entertaining? I wonder what will follow them after the next mass extinction. Want me to move forward…”
“No, let’s see how this turns out…”